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93Dec29 9:05 am from Zeylan @ BowHead _ Santa Barbara PREPARE TO MEET GOD, you say? "Hi, I'm here to see God. Is He in?" "Yes, but He's with another client. Please have a seat over there." "Well, I'm kind of in a hurry..." "I'm sure you are, mister--" "Zeylan." "--Mister Zeylan. But God is very busy, you see. Just have a seat." "Will it be very long?" "The longer you bother me, the longer it will take, yes." "Uh, fine. I'll wait." "Uh... this is a pretty nice waiting area here... I say, this is a nice waiting-- are you ignoring me?" "I'm working, sir. And fraternizing with clients is not allowed." "Oh. I see. Okay. Well, good thing you have these Highlights magazines here, I guess..." "Mister Zeylan, sir. God will see you now." "Thank you." "Right through this door." "Thanks. Uh, hi, God." "WELL, ZEYLAN, SO NICE TO SEE YOU. HAVE A SEAT. MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE. CAN I FIX YOU A DRINK?" "No, no need to go through any trouble..." "TROUBLE? ARE YOU KIDDING? I JUST COMMAND IT AND IT IS SO. PART OF THE BENEFIT OF BEING AN ALMIGHTY BEING AND ALL THAT, YOU KNOW. GOES WITH THE TERRITORY. SO, ANYWAY, YOU'VE COME TO SEE ME." "Uh, yeah. Seems I've sorta died or something?" "YEAH, TOUGH BREAK, THAT. HAPPENS TO EVERYONE, YOU KNOW. I'VE SORTA PUT A TIMER ON EVERYONE, SO TO SPEAK. LOOKS LIKE YOURS WENT OUT JUST ABOUT THE SAME TIME YOU THREW YOURSELF IN FRONT OF THAT TRAIN, YES?" "Well, I didn't exactly _throw_ myself--" "WHEN SOMEONE RACES A TRAIN, I CALL IT THROWING, OKAY? I'M ALLOWED TO DO THAT, CALL IT THROWING, WHAT BEING GOD AND SUCH. REMEMBER THAT." "Uh, yes sir." "SO ANYWAY. SO BACK TO THIS JUDGEMENT BUSINESS. PART OF MY JOB IS JUDGING THE LIVING AND THE DEAD." bzzt "STELLA, PLEASE BRING IN MY JUDGEMENT BOOK. AND SOME COFFEE." bzzt "Yes, sir." "NOW WHERE WAS I. OH YES, THE JUDGEMENT. YOU UNDERSTAND HOW THIS WORKS? I DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT YOU'VE BEEN NAUGHTY OR NICE, SORTA LIKE SANTA CLAUS. EXCEPT IF YOU'VE BEEN NAUGHTY I DON'T JUST DENY YOU PRESENTS, I CAST YOU OUT OF MY OFFICE AND STRAIGHT INTO ETERNAL DAMNATION. BUT HEY, IF YOU'VE LIVED A DECENT LIFE AND HAVEN'T BEEN TOO MUCH OF A JERK, THERE JUST MIGHT BE A PLACE HERE FOR YOU IN THE FIRM. GOOD BENEFITS WORKING HERE, YOU KNOW. AND WE HAVE A HELLUVA GOOD SOFTBALL TEAM, TOO. DO YOU PLAY?" "Not really, uh..." "OF COURSE YOU DO. OH, HERE'S STELLA WITH MY JUDGEMENT BOOK. THANKS, HON. HMM, LET'S SEE... ZEYLAN... ZANDONA, ZAMURSKY, ZEEGO, ZENNA... AH, HERE IT IS. ZEYLAN. WOW." "Wow? What's wow? What's that mean?" "WOW. I HAD NO IDEA. OH, AND THIS." "What? What! What does it say?" "OH DEAR." "What oh dear! Is it bad?" "LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HOT CLIMATES?" "That bad, huh?" "LOOKS THAT WAY. SORRY ABOUT THIS, BUT YOU KNOW HOW IT IS, WHAT WITH THESE STRICT RULES I'VE IMPOSED ON EVERYTHING. AND ONCE I'VE MADE A LAW IT'S KINDA SET IN STONE, SO TO SPEAK. HAHAHA. ANYWAY, OUR SOFTBALL TEAM IS KINDA FULL, SO I GUESS WE WON'T BE NEEDING YOU. LOOKS LIKE THEY NEED SOMEONE IN THE HADES MEGAFURNACE, THOUGH... SO HERE'S YOUR SHOVEL, AND YOUR WHEELBARROW, AND YOUR ICE WATER... HAHAHA, JUST KIDDING ON THAT LAST PART. I CRACK MYSELF UP SOMETIMES." "Uh, yeah, hahaha, I guess." "NO NEED TO KISS UP NOW, SON. KINDA LATE IN THE GAME FOR THAT. ANYWAY, HERE ARE YOUR WORK ORDERS. SEE YOU AROUND... NOT. AHAHAHA, AHEM. STELLA, SEND IN THE NEXT ONE, PLEASE." "Yes sir. Mister Blaylock, God will see you now..." 93Dec29 12:12 pm from Sicko @ BowHead _ Santa Barbara And I thought I had nothing better to do this christmas vacation.. 93Dec29 1:31 pm from Zeylan @ BowHead _ Santa Barbara And you were right, Sicko.  
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