Swagazine #2

Timerant  by Swagman
When I should be practicing the craft of writing, I but
meditate upon the act, dream of taking action, contemplate
creation -- all without words. Inside my mind, I get lost in the
ethereal region of pre-thought, a realm of dreamland where my
feelings of consolation and desolation fight it out for dominion.
I see this in the Tao symbol, yin and yang flowing in ever
differing proportion. The Tao shows a transcendent river of
life, a wellspring of existence, pure energy rushing in torrents
of inexplicable and apparently chaotic rhythm within my psychic
riverbanks, yet in total harmony with the cosmic forces of
creation which have flowed unchecked since the beginning.

And when was the beginning? To me at age 42, the prime of my
life, I clearly see this all began well before me and exists
outside of me, as though I have nothing to do with it. At the
same time, I am at the center of it all, unremovable from its
flow, in some mystical fashion, it was all made for me alone.
Yet I know I am not here alone, there are others, each at the
center of their own universes, they who dwell with me in mine and
I in theirs. I see my parents, their parents, their parent's
parents, so on and so on, extending in unbroken chain through the
unfathomable lengths of the past back to the origins of life on
this planet. And even before that, through the absurdly large
notions of geologic time, to the coalescence of cosmic dust into
the hot wet ball of Gaia, Mother Earth herself. Back further to
the instant of ignition of the holy fire of our own sun. Ponder,
our sunstar is but one of countless stars in this galaxy. This
galaxy we call home is but one in countless millions of galaxies
in the expanse of space. The universe whose density is so spread
thin there is more void than form, empty, distant, far reaching.

I project my mind to the edge of this dispersion of matter, the
outer frontier of reality, the edge of existence, the event
horizon of creation. In that realm, over the outside edge, is
where I live. Over that edge is where I am when I reach as far
inside the microcosm of my consciousness as will permits.

When I look out at all the stars in creation, sometimes I wonder
if, in fact, I am merely gazing at the inner walls of my own
cranial cavity with my inner and outer life melting together in a
Mobius band of existence out at the lip of creation's horizon.
Out there on the horizon, on the edge, I long to be on my own
ship of exploration, perhaps sailing over the edge of the world
as I know it. What will I find over that edge? Will I find God
there? Or is it as the early global cartographers wrote in the
margins along the edges of their maps of their known world,
"Beware! Here there be dragons."


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