Swagazine #2

     I knew that this would not be a standard meeting with my boss, when he led me into the subbasement of Central Headquarters. Submerged in the substrata, near the subduction of the subarctic subcontinent, this sub- structure was the ultimate in security. The temperature was subfreezing as well.

     "Agent X? This is a very serious submission branching off of Operation Suburb. One of our submarines disappeared of the coast of Siberia. Now we know that through company subdivisions, and subtractions, it may have been wiped out by government budget cuts. Personally, I think it was subverted. It's your job to subsume what happened. I want you fly in a subsonic jet to Moscow. There, you will meet Agent Subaru. She will provide transportation to the subsite of the lost sub. Now it's possible that the Russians may try to set up a subterfuge, and sabotage the mission. So whatever you do, be subtle. Good luck, Agent X. The subcommittee is counting on you," my boss said.

     "Right, boss." I replied.

     "Now, I'm equipping you with a submachine gun, and giving you the right to use it in order to make the opposition submissive. Use it wisely, we can't substitute it."

     "Right, boss." I replied.

     "Good. On your way now." He said, then shooed me out of the office. I walked up the stairs, leading from the subbasement, and soon I was on my subsonic jet headed to meat Agent Subaru. After my flight, I found her... beautiful. I thought she was in a subconscious state, but the bullet holes made me change my mind. Someone wanted a substantial amount of damage done to the submission. They had done a substandard job of it too, because while they had taken out agent Subaru, they hadn't taken me! I began to look around. After a while I found a sticky substance. It looked like mint jelly. It was. Now what was a perfectly good container of mint jelly doing all over the floor of a crowded airport with a submissive Agent Subaru subverted? I didn't know. So I looked around for more clues. Finding none, I bought a subway ticket, and went to my hotel. It wasn't exactly what you would call a hotel. Actually I was a subtenant of a man who was renting the place from a submicroscopic subbacteria. At least he supposed he was.

     The next morning, after a brief breakfast of Subgum, I drove to the subregion where the submarine was subverted. As I was hopping out of the Subaru that Agent Subaru had so generously provided. I was met by a foul tempered Russian. He looked at me and pulled out a submachine gun just like my own. I whipped out my own gun, and the battle began. We fired several rounds at each other, then I shot him fatally both in the subcranium, and the subscapula. Blood spattered everywhere. I went, and searched the dead Russian, and found that he was actually, an Iraqi android. The android was on a subprogram to guard the subregion where it had subverted the sub, and my bullets had locked it in a subroutine where it would try to sing, and make mint tea at the same time. I supposed he was also the killer of Agent Subaru, and I was right. The opportunity was sublime. I quickly made the android submissive to me, and gave it some new subroutines in which it would walk back to Iraq, sing Beethoven's ninth symphony, (will all of it's subtonic, and subdominant notes), then explode. Just after I set the android on it's way, I was met by the subdeacon of the church in the suburbs in the obscure town of Subthallia. He met me with his young daughter who was going to be a subdebutante in the Russian movie business. I told her that it was a fine trade to be going in to. I asked the subdeacon whether he had heard any information about a submarine. He had. He said that it was the android who did it. I was right all along. My mission completed, I flew back to the secret base, and submitted my report of the situation. I was given a medal, and a free subscription to Popular Mechanics, and sent on my way. After attending the funeral of Agent Subaru, I turned in for the night.